It’s Saturday night and my husband is treating me to a rare night out 💃💃💃
This means he’ll be checking football results on his mobile for most of the night (world cup going on) and I’ll spend it drinking Copious amounts of wine and taking selfies for Instagram with the hashtag #datenight. Yes , I am cliche. Leave me alone.
So, anyway…as I’m getting dressed my husband walks in ,takes a look at what I’m wearing and says ” that skirt is too short, boss”
I change to jeans. I’m muttering something about how he’s not the boss of me and I’m a grown a*s woman who shouldn’t have to listen to a man on how I should dress..but I change!
One of the reasons I change out of my (very cute) skirt is that he used the “Tone” . He has this tone he uses when he says something that also says “we are not going to discuss this but this is also not going to turn into a fight ”
The most important reason I’ve changed out of my skirt however, is that over 6 years ago I made a vow before God, ” to love and to obey” this man that I’m married to. There is no option to leave out the “obey” part of the vow as is currently popular(not for me anyway) because God, my God requires it. The only way to get round this is to give up my beliefs and I’m not about to do that.
Am I saying that I’m that model wife who is always obedient and submissive?
I wish I was . I’ll be the first to admit that I’m no Small trial to my very patient husband. I’m only human and sometimes (most times) I fall short mostly because I like getting my own way (who doesn’t)
Lately though, I feel like I have to keep defending myself against women with extremist feminist views. The way these women go on iye ! It’s clear they feel that you’ve sold out even by just choosing to get married.
I happened to mention, in the presence of one such woman, how my husband would never allow me to wear a certain style of swimwear…and SHE WAS LIVID yoh!
She went on about how ANYONE shouldn’t have to ALLOW me to do anything , and how my husband was no doubt going out to look for other women wearing such swimwear. She basically called me a gullible idiot .
In my head I was asking her, “you know for a fact that MY husband goes out specifically to look for OTHER women in that particular swimwear, how sis????
Outwardly though, I gave her the self indulgent smile I give my 4year old when he’s being ridiculous.
I have always had strong feminist views myself but I’m always aware that I’m under obligation to obey or even submit to my husband. I knew before we got married what his views were/ are, if I’d had problem with them , I’d have chosen not to get married to him.
He also knew that I was no walk over , infact my dad warned him that I was “particularly bossy” but he still went ahead and married me. I don’t believe being an obedient and submissive wife means that I have to be a doormat or put up with being mistreated in anyway. I expect my husband to respect my right to an opinion too.
And , speaking of allowing, I could write a long list of the many things my husband isn’t allowed to wear or do . He is under no obligation to do as I wish but he does it because it’s also about representation.
we all want to be well represented and I don’t ALLOW him to dress or act in any way that misrepresents me.
Suppose he were to show up at work in dirty jeans or has bad breath… just because he’s married, people won’t say that HE is dirty . They will say that I Am dirty or ask ” where was his wife” instead. And when he’s clean , guess who gets the credit 🙋🙋🙋
I’ve always said once you get married, you have an obligation to stop doing certain things just because it reflects badly on your partner. Married people are under obligation to be their partners best representative.
Also, I don’t think a woman loses anything by being under her husband ( especially not literally 🙈🙈🙈 because your mind went there too!)
If that makes me a bad feminist well, so be it.
Love and peace